Personal Relationships Online Secret
Friends Guide
Personal Relationships And Being Assertive
By Janine Jensenoris
Forgiveness is one of the keys to successful personal
relationships, whether you're a friend, family member,
parent or lover. When we feel betrayed, used, offended
or disrespected, it may seem natural to hold a grudge
against someone.
However, a grudge can elevate your heart rate and blood
pressure, and can cause depression symptoms, increase
hostility, create anxiety and cause undue stress. Forgiveness
may require a new way of looking at the situation but
certainly it is one of the pillars of healthy relationships.
The keys to successful personal relationships are often
the same, regardless of what type of relationship you're
looking to strengthen, be it friend, coworker, family
member or romance relationships. For instance, being
assertive and drawing clear boundaries is a good practice
in any relationship.
Asserting Yourself With I Statements
First you must explore your own feelings and decide
what your limits are. Next, you will need to assert
yourself using "I" statements, as well as
cause-and-effect consequences. For instance, you might
say, "I dislike being tickled because it makes
me feel powerless and uncomfortable. If you tickle me
again, I will have to leave."
If the person violates your boundaries, then you must
stick to your guns and do as promised to reinforce those
boundaries. Over time, you may note that the other person
cannot adhere to your boundaries and you may come to
the conclusion that he or she does not actually respect
you. While it may be a tough conclusion to reach, you
couldn't have come to the truth without first setting
boundaries.
Learning To Fight Fair
Since we are all unique individuals with different
values, ideas and opinions, conflict is inevitable.
Therefore, learning how to "fight fair" is
a critical component in any of your personal relationships.
First, you should keep your quarrels private and particularly
keep them away from children who are emotionally delicate
and look to you as an example. Secondly, you must keep
it relevant, avoiding the temptation to hold grudges,
keep score or wander off on tangents.
Avoiding Character Assassination
Thirdly, you need to get at the heart of the matter,
rather than centering on the symptoms. Fourth of all,
"avoid character assassination," Dr. Phil
warns, and never call your partner names or attack the
person personally.
The fifth recommendation is to always keep a goal in
mind when arguing so that it gets reached. Try not to
fly off the handle over every little event in your social
relationships and remember that there is a statute of
limitations on arguments, so don't drag them on forever!
Taking Full Responsibility For Your Relationship
According to Dr. Phil, there are certain core values
to bring to all your personal relationships. First,
you must "own your relationship" and take
full responsibility for your relationship. Don't see
yourself as a martyr, a savior or a victim, as you need
to be an equal partner or jump ship. Secondly, you must
"accept the risk of vulnerability" and prevent
fear from paralyzing you from saying or doing anything.
Third, you must "accept your partner" to
improve your chances of reconciling from a disagreement.
There should be a "focus on friendship" and
you should always "promote your partner's self
esteem," Dr. Phil adds. "Aim your frustrations
in the right direction" and avoid the temptation
to blame the other person for everything.
Always remain honest with your partner, focus on what
makes you happy and communicate positively, looking
for a resolution.
About the Author: Janine
Jensenoris is a popular author of dating articles including
Adult
Personals, Blind
Dating, Chat
Websites, Real
Friends, Adult
Party Favors, Conversation
Starters, Abusive
Relationships, Difficult
People, Anger
Management, Interracial
Relationships.
Keep a lookout for more articles coming soon.
More Relationship Facts....
Anytime two people are in a relationship there are
bound to be some arguments and fights. It is just how
relationships go. But it is okay to disagree and fight
sometimes as long as you know how to makeup effectively.
A relationship that does not grow and change is one
that will become boring and stagnant. Relationship tuneups
need to happen periodically to keep things fresh and
alive between each of you. Maybe you need to sit down
and learn how to talk to each other again. Whatever
route you take to add some spark, there are resources
to help.
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